When I first read online about the Marble Museum in Proctor, Vermont, I’m pretty sure I made the same face you make when the guy hanging out behind the 7-Eleven says he’s “just waiting for a friend.” In hindsight, I feel bad about it, but at the time, all I could think was “Wow. Really?” Maple syrup museum? Sure! I will come and learn about your most deliciously well-known export and sample until I drop. But marble? How completely wrong I was.
This entire building is decorated in marble: beautiful, smooth stone in a rainbow of colors, like what I assume P. Diddy’s house looks like, minus the guy he pays to hold his umbrella. The entryway and even the bathrooms are carved from locally-sourced marble in ivory and onyx.
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| Not a bad looking place to relieve yourself. |
One gallery showcases regal cameos of all the nation’s former presidents up through George Bush Sr., carved out of chalky slabs by the museum's resident artist.
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| Abe "Freedom" Lincoln. |
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| Dwight D. "you better shrink that military" Eisenhower. |
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| Jimmy "Hero" Carter. |
Another room was dedicated to all the products marble is used for other than to decorate courthouses and rich peoples’ bathrooms. It is crushed and used in tons of different medicines and goods that I have used for years, including the grenadine-red paint Alex and I used to decorate our apartment.
Marble from Vermont has been used to build the Jefferson Memorial, the US Supreme Court Building, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, and a ton of other ridiculously important buildings in this country that I will never be allowed to set foot inside of. It was even used in Arlington Cemetery, where my maternal grandfather is buried. Thinking back on it, the front of his marker was made from marble.
The best thing in the marble museum is the gallery of marble from around the world. It displays giant sheets of marble from Georgia, Russia, Italy, all in different tints and textures. The gallery leads you into the museums’ crown jewels — an ultra-modern bathroom and enormous kitchen, crafted from marble. Of course, I proceeded to begin conducting my afternoon Food Network program Damn Good Eats inside this incredible kitchen.
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| Today we'll be making Fruity Pebbles and I'll show you how to heat up a can of soup. |
This museum defied all preconceived notions about what an institution solely dedicated to the history and manufacturing of a single mineral could be. It was fascinating and completely unexpected, but therein lies the essence of this project.
Word to the wise: if you go, pack lunch. There isn’t a single place nearby to get a scrap of food.
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